5 Struggles of a Shy Blogger with Online Social Anxiety

 

In case y'all don't know, this will be my third year blogging. 

Wild Pennings is the third blog I've had in three years. Seriously, guys, I need to get my priorities straight. But one thing I've definitely learned about myself is that contrary to being confident around people in real life, I am the shyest Internet ghost ever. If you don't believe me, check out my follower count. They say that the best way to get followers is to comment on other blogs? That just shows you how much I've commented in three years! *facepalm*

But I think most bloggers don't have this issue? Maybe? Maybe it's just me? Oh please no, not just me. I haven't seen a post like this before, so I decided that today I will show you what blogging looks like from a shy blogger's point of view.



1. Commenting is nerve-wracking.

Commenting is probably the hardest thing for me to do.  I want to comment, but when I have this opportunity to think about what I'm going to say before I say it, I tend to over-think.

An accurate summary of my BASIC thought process:
  • What should I say? 
  • Should I just say something generic? 
  • No, it needs to be me speaking. 
  • What if he/she takes this the wrong way? 
  • I don't want to accidentally offend them! 
  • Does this seem weird to say? 
  • What if this person thinks I'm weird because this is the first time I've commented on their blog and I'm already screaming in caps? 
  • Will this look wrong when it's published? 
  • OH HOLY SARDINES WHAT IF I ACCIDENTALLY PUBLISH A TYPO?!
  • I will be SO MORTIFIED! 
  • If it's taking me this long to consider commenting, just think how long it will take me to actually comment. *groans*
I read other people's comments and I can't help thinking that if I say anything out on a tangent, I'm weird. I could end up saying the same thing as everyone else, but why do that when it's already been said? If I don't know what to say, is it even worth the time? When so many things could go wrong, it's honestly easier to just not comment.

SOLUTION

If you don't know what to say after reading a post, take notes on a piece of scratch paper. DON'T LOOK AT OTHER COMMENTS before you comment. List all the thoughts you had while reading the post. If they think you're weird, that's not your problem. You're trying to be sincere and yourself and that's all that matters as you continue to grow your confidence. I've found that this strategy works really well for me, and it's helped me leave the sincere comments I aim for.



2. Popular bloggers are intimidating.

No joke. All bloggers have probably gone through this phase. You see that massive follower count (or what seems massive at the time) and you scuttle out of there as soon as you're done reading. These people are popular. They have Internet friends. And frankly you're kind of scared, because it feels as if you're intruding on this exclusive society of bloggers with 1000+ followers, and you're just the shy Internet ghost (or baby blogger) no one has noticed yet. Just don't even bother commenting!

SOLUTION

First of all, you need to realize that this train of thought is WRONG. 1000 followers is a lot, but if you think about it, it's still very, very small. There are over 7.5 billion people living on earth today. 1000 is approximately 0.00000014% of the human population. The only time that number looks big is in your head when anxiety inflates it to that level. Yes, these people are popular, but there are thousands of people out there who are also popular. You could be popular in someone's eyes! And in the friendly blogosphere, these popular bloggers will probably welcome you into the conversation instead of shunning you.

It can be hard to talk to people in real life, but blogging gives us the rare opportunity of connecting with people who see life from a different point of view. In a universe so vast, we tend to make it seem minuscule with us at its center. We need to remind ourselves that everyone else sees life the same way. When our mini universes overlap, we create this magical sky filled with constellations that hold the world together.

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3. Fitting in with other bloggers

I used to worry about fitting in with a certain blogging group. I wanted to post about lifestyle, photography, and dolls when I was younger, but I wanted my blog to be almost exactly like a specific selection of bloggers I greatly admired. I wanted to have a similar layout, similar discussion topics, and a similar writing style. But I wasn't passionate about any of these things—not to the point where I could post consistently about them and still come up with new ideas. But I still wanted to be a part of this group. If you don't want to fit in, you probably worry about what people will think when you don't try to fit in. Will you get backlash for breaking the mainstream?

SOLUTION

On your blog, you say what you want to say. My favorite aspect of blogging is the freedom I have to say what I feel on any subject without being edited by a magazine or a newsroom to meet their political and philosophical views. Once I post something, it's out in the world. Someone is going to read it, even if it's now or years later. You have a voice, and you are entitled to use it. Blogging is one of the best ways to exercise that power.

Don't worry about fitting in. You'll attract the readers who enjoy the things you write. You shouldn't write a specific topic that you don't enjoy just so you can feel part of a "group" or a genre. Don't be afraid of breaking the mainstream. Pick what you will uphold, write about it, and be confident.



4. My blog is my comfort zone.

I find it easiest to be myself on my blog. I have this preconception that people are just going to find my blog, read my posts, see my winning personality, and spread the word. They'll comment and we'll have long chats together over virtual tea and crumpets. People will come to me. That's not how making friends work. People reach out, but in an online world where you have to climb technological barriers, you have to put in the effort. That means leaving your comfort zone...and that is so, so hard.

SOLUTION

Push yourself. Make a goal to find X number of new blogs each week, and start reading them. Make a goal to comment on X blogs that you really enjoy per day or comment on X number of blogs you've never commented on before, but have been reading for a while. Make an effort to broaden your reading list. For starters, comment on this post about how you've overcome blogger shyness! If you want to break out of the shy blogger mold, then you have to take initiative and make a commitment to yourself that it will happen.

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5. Making online friends

Making online friends felt foreign to me at first. The two reasons I had were, one, you're not talking face to face; and two, this person may or may not be writing under their real name (e.g. me). I'm very Internet-wary; I tend to play things on the safe side, following a blog for a while before I comment. I want to be able to trust them (because there are hundreds of people who use the Internet for bad things).

The other issue I have that keeps me from making Internet friends is I don't know how to start. In real life where you're shoved together, you just say "Hi, what's your name, what do you like to do?" If you share the same reservations as me, then we probably have the same problem: we tend to just hang on the sidelines even though we might really, really want to make friends with other bloggers.

SOLUTION

You have to remember that bloggers are people, most people aren't bad, and generally, the blogging community is pretty safe, especially in the Christian lifestyle genre. Pick your online friends the way you would in real life. If you find a blogger you trust (under pen name or not), don't be afraid to reach out and say hi. Don't be afraid to drop a comment on their blog, even a short one, to let them know you enjoy their posts and are looking forward to more. Chances are, the blogger is going to read your comment, feel happy, and probably check out your blog to see what a nice person you are. And there you have the beginnings of a friendship! You might have to push yourself, but it will be worth it. Some really nice bloggers I've met and made friends with are Clara, Ivie, Abby, and Sarah.



So there you have it: blogging from a shy blogger's POV. What do you think? Are you a shy blogger? Do you struggle with any of these things? What do you do to overcome them? I'm really curious! Drop a long comment and we'll chat! 

Smiles!
Nicole

14 comments:

  1. I'm not a shy blogger, but I definitely relate to being shy to comment on popular bloggers posts! I follow PaperFury but I don't think I've ever commented because it intimidates me. :/

    Great post!

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    1. Yup! I think most people can relate to that one pretty well. I follow her too, and I've commented a couple of times. She's really nice, and she always comments on my blog after I comment on hers, so don't be intimidated! :D I'm sure she'll enjoy hearing your thoughts on her posts!

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  2. Argh the comments one is so true! I get freaked out when something turns out wrong *facepalm* and it's embarrassing to go correct it.

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    1. Yeeeeees! Once I did that on Allison's blog (A Farm Girl's Life) and I juust wanted to melt because I'd gotten confused and all her readers would see it! *facepalm* There are so many instances where I've just deleted the comment I've been writing and left the box empty. XD

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  3. This was a great post, Nicole! I don't think I've ever seen one like it on the blogosphere before - your posts are always unique. :D I am so bad about commenting on other people's posts, and the tips you gave in this post are great! It just feel easier to like a post and not comment, but I know how exciting it is to get a comment - I really need to comment more. XD

    -Clara <3

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    1. Awww, thanks, Clara!
      Seriously, I have the same problem! The like button is my best friend, unfortunately. XD If I'm hesitant to comment on a blog, I always just think of how it might make them feel to get a comment. *Most* of the time it works. XD But I think we all get kind of lazy from time to time. :P

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  4. okay i have no idea why i didn't see this blog before but i LOVES IT AND YOU IS AMAZING, OKAY???

    this post was honestly so relatable, and i feel you so much girl. making friends online seems a lot more intimidating than it sounds--especially with commenting and/or popular bloggers--when it comes to my own shy-hamster-driven self... i usually just end up trying to cover up my shyness by being overly ambitious and excited about literally nothing, but shhh don't spoil my secret.

    altho these tips were super helpful, and i'm gonna have to remember them while i'm sweating an inhuman amount before i comment on abbiee or paper fury or somebody iNSANELY POPULAR AND INTIMIDATING AND OVERLY TERRIFYING *proceeds to hyperventilate*

    basically, what i'm saying is you are a LIFE SAVER, and your take on this topic was really unique and uplifting. so thanks!! loved it all. <333

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    1. AWWW THANKS SO MUCH!!! YOU'RE AMAZING TOO!!! <3

      The struggle is real *sighs for an eternity*. That is a GENIUS strategy!! XD my strategy is basically me commenting when I'm super tired at like one in the morning but sometimes that doesn't go too well oops. XD

      We're all like the shy and silent paper fury fanclub up in here, LOL. XD

      Thank you so much for your compliments!! You're seriously one of the sweetest people EVER! Good luck with your commenting!!

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  5. Hi! I just started a blog, and can relate to some of these things:-). I am a shy blogger, but it's easier for me to write then talk in person most of the time. Thanks for sharing, and I would love it if you stopped by my blog.
    bensshowersofblessings.blogspot.com
    -Brooklyne

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    1. Ah, I know the feeling. :) I too find it easier to write out my thoughts than speak them. And you're welcome!! I'm so glad these helped!! Also, I checked out your blog and it seems very inspirational. Thanks for stopping by!! <3

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  6. I've been blogging for five years now and I've written my fair share of comments, but it's still nerve-wrecking to me! I always feel like I'm too happy, too cynical, too friendly, too anything when I first write a comment on a blog I've just found.
    I completely agree with you that popular bloggers are intimidating. Whenever a popular blogger tweets something funny and I want to post an answer, I just don't because I'm like: who am I to contact this popular person?
    Basically I'm a shy blogger with a few good friends because I wasn't so shy back in 2014. Now I'm staying on my own blog most of the time, just like you. I'm also making it my goal to find new bloggers every week and reach out. Hopefully I'll make some new friends this way :)

    x Envy

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    1. That's so relatable. I always procrastinate commenting and end up reading new blogs for ages before I actually get the courage to speak up. It's kind of a problem. XD
      Yep! I totally understand—but really I think most of the issue is in our heads. :P
      It's great that you have blogging friends, and that's an excellent way to make new ones!! Thanks for reaching out here. :) I'm glad this post was helpful for you!!

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  7. I’m SO LATE to this post, but this is THE most relatable thing I’ve seen all day! I’ve VERY shy, both on the Internet and in real life. This post is so helpful, especially when you talked about commenting! I’m always so terrified of “what if I sound stupid? This comment MUST BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE’S.” Your tips are great, and I’m definitely using them in the future!

    And I can definitely agree on numbers 2 and 5! When I started blogging about four months ago, I was like, “but their friends have already been established, and I don’t want to intrude, and how do I even make Internet friends, and HELP ME.” I still struggle with that a little, but most, if not all, that I’ve seen and experienced on the blogosphere has been inspirational, positive, and encouraging.

    Anyways, what I’m TRYING to say *clears throat* is that this post is absolutely amazing and I will definitely be using your tips in the future! Thanks for writing this, Nicole!

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    1. Late-comers keep these discussions alive! The struggle is real, though, and I totally get you.

      YES, my favorite thing about blogging is that the community is so welcoming and basically you can pitch in your three-pence and people will actually care. I still struggle with making online friends, but once you start trying, it gets so much easier. I hope you continue to find that out as you go through your blogging journey!

      THANK YOU and you're welcome!! Good luck! <3

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Feel free to rant, fangirl, flail, squeal, etc. and I'll get back to you with just as much enthusiasm! I always reply, so check back often. Please keep your language cuss-free and no taking the Lord's name in vain. Thanks for stopping by! :)

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