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| photo from unsplash.com |
Lack of inspiration is a great excuse to not post on my blog(s), but recently I’ve been trying to figure out why exactly I’ve been feeling uninspired to post. And here’s what I’ve come up with:
I don’t write like I used to.This whole blog is based around writing. That’s why I called it Wild Pennings. When I created the premise for this blog, I knew that if my interest in writing ever changed, then this title would conveniently also fit for a book blog where I wouldn’t post so much about writing skills, tips, and advice, but took aim at book reviews and recommendations. I’m glad I did that at the beginning. It’s given me, mentally, more flexibility for what type of content I want to post. But when it comes to the writing part of my original premise, I’ve petered out. Again, I don’t write like I used to.
Fiction and novellas and purely imagined stories used to be my obsession. I wanted to write a novel. I’ve written a couple. And I still love playing with my original stories, but I’m not the avid novelist I used to be. For a few months now I have been struggling with the paradox of a fiction writer who almost never writes fiction but still blogs about it. That sounds so strange to me. And I’ve been at a standstill, because I started all of my blogs based on my love for creative fiction writing. How can I write about something I don’t actively participate in anymore? At least in my mind, I have never truly thought myself experienced enough to provide quality writing advice, but now that I don’t write fiction as often or in the same way that I used to, I don’t want to suffer self-inflicted hypocrisy every time I publish a blog post.
Another observation: I no longer write the way I used to because I’ve changed. I have changed so much over the years. My interest in creative fiction writing transformed into an obsession at the beginning of middle school, and the next year I started a blog to share my writing. Now, I have explored much more of the writing field than I knew when I was thirteen. I have learned the rules and broken the rules. I’ve written my own rules. I’ve toyed with words and spilled my soul and now I know what matters to me when I write. My love for writing hasn’t changed, but my direction has. Creative fiction will always have a special place in my heart; it was my first love and my marital vow to writing. But this change of direction—is this okay? How do I begin to share this thing in my head? This idea, these words, these dreams?
I’ve undergone a metamorphosis os a writer, and I’m still trying to understand where I need to go now. I think I’m having a hard time understanding how this change is seriously affecting my blog, especially since I put very rigid content goals in the beginning. I need to find new ways to channel my inspiration into content and experiment with this new way of writing I’ve unearthed. I’m very interested in artistic essay pieces. In fact, I adore them. They are short but can be so profound when the correct words are used. They require careful thought to express the idea in just the right way. And they are nonfiction. Ah, nonfiction sings to my soul when it comes to writing. Like a bell it rings in my mental tower and the factory begins production instantly. It’s a wrestling match of ideas and concepts vying for attention, but not in the same way my fictional friends contend. I still write fiction. Not avidly, no. But from time to time? Yes. There is a story I’m working on very slowly, and I want to finish it. There are a couple I want to revisit. But these essay type pieces of writing that provoke my thoughts, these are my focus now.
I’m going away to camp this week, and next week I have a family trip and then a trip with my cousins. So I most likely won’t be posting until either the end of my cousins trip or the first weekend of August. I have not been posting for the last few weeks partly because of this issue I’ve been describing, but also I’m working on the spark of a potentially explosive project. I am very excited that it’s taking shape, but it is going to require a lot more effort to pull it off. I’m trying to kick myself in the rear and make myself face my fear of having to work in teams and sharing my vision with people, but if this works out, you will know. If it doesn’t, I will also let you know. I’m praying that the former happens. In the mean time, I would greatly appreciate it if you hold me accountable because obligation is something I cannot resist fulfilling.
I’m going away to camp this week, and next week I have a family trip and then a trip with my cousins. So I most likely won’t be posting until either the end of my cousins trip or the first weekend of August. I have not been posting for the last few weeks partly because of this issue I’ve been describing, but also I’m working on the spark of a potentially explosive project. I am very excited that it’s taking shape, but it is going to require a lot more effort to pull it off. I’m trying to kick myself in the rear and make myself face my fear of having to work in teams and sharing my vision with people, but if this works out, you will know. If it doesn’t, I will also let you know. I’m praying that the former happens. In the mean time, I would greatly appreciate it if you hold me accountable because obligation is something I cannot resist fulfilling.
What change have you undergone as a writer? What about in your other interests? Is it hard for you to share your vision with others, and how do you do it?
Oh, and wherever you are, I pray that you may feel the sunshine in your life. 💛
