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1) It is so liberating to live on my own, take care of myself, buy my own groceries and not have to share, go out to eat with friends if I want to because now everything is walking distance, and plan my own life on a day-to-day basis. At the same time, I sometimes miss the structure of having a routine with my siblings and doing everything together. It made us feel united and gave us opportunities to bond. I miss having movie nights on Fridays and fighting over which movie to watch, and I miss having someone to talk to any minute of the day, someone who I don't have to explain my life to because they live 80% of it. It's strange having to adjust and get to know new people, and yesterday I got pretty overwhelmed and decided to shut myself under my covers (thankfully my roommate was out of town for the afternoon) and just watch a movie by myself, without having to think of other people and what they think of me. It was nice, and now I'm ready to go back out and meet people and make connections. But I miss the connections I have that are so far away now.

2) I've been living here for really only a few weeks, but I've already felt as if I've grown a tad. I also can clearly see how much more growing room I have to do. One thing about me is that I obsess over "catching up" and being "on-track," and right now I feel as if I have a lot of catching up to do in the maturity department. Everyone here is so much older than I am, and they seem so complete in terms of their spirituality (I haven't quit going to church just because I moved), their social awareness, and their intellectual ability. Sometimes I feel very small because I don't feel that confident in my ability to rely on God yet, and I want that, but I don't have it yet. I often feel like an inadequate conversationalist, like I can't communicate as efficiently and clearly as these young adults can. I feel self-conscious of my ability to think quickly and speak intelligently. Honestly, that is something I've always felt insecure about because I am not a witty person; I do not reply quickly with snarky and clever retorts and I do not speak before I've thought everything through. I like to think I'm a nice person, but socially and intellectually, sometimes I feel slow and dumb, like I should be moving faster. But I do see the room I have to grow. I'm like a new sapling in an established orchard.

College is bringing out the worst and the best of me. It's made me think and feel insecure, but it's also motivated me to achieve and grow. Insecurities are not all bad, especially when we rely on God for help in overcoming them. That's something I'm trying to do. I believe in God, but I want to be fully committed to Him and willing to accept His help.

So there's my spiel. Now go. Discover yourselves. Be wonderful humans, and I'll update you on my activities. Also I might not be posting on Instagram for a few months since I don't have my nice camera with me or my nice books, but expect a lot of snapshots in my story (@wildpennings). Also, if you have any questions for me, you can DM me through Instagram, or comment on this post, or email me if you just want to be friends (wildpennings@gmail.com). And yes, I am putting my contacts up here because I honestly do not expect to be posting more than once a month on the blog, so stay updated through my other networking sources which are considerably less time-consuming to update.