So I won NaNoWriMo! Just not exactly in the way I was aiming for. Allow me to explain.

If you remember from one of my first posts on NaNoWriMo 2017, I mentioned that I had two word-count goals. I registered for both the official (adult) NaNo site with the full 50K and the YWP site with a goal of 30K as back-up. And while I had the mind-set and the determination to reach 50K, I was not prepared.

I was not prepared for the rigor of writing 50K in a month. I had gone through a writing slump in October, and so I didn't have the stamina or focus to write more than 1.5K words per day. On really good days, and there were only four or five of them, I managed to get in my goal of 2.5K or a little more than that. But I soon realized that my brain was not accustomed to the strain and to push myself to write like that would exhaust me before I could meet either of my goals.

Another thing I realized was, because of my neglect to write consistently in the previous weeks, I was not ready for the stress. When I have a deadline, I tend to obsess over it. I couldn't stop thinking of how many words I had left. The stress-relief techniques I used, while they helped, were not enough. I've never written more than 30K in a month. And 20K seemed like a huge gap between what I had previously done and what I wanted to do. Basically, I crashed, had an existential crisis, dropped my project for a few days on a mental/emotional vacation, and caught up on my bookshelf.

If you feel as if you need a break from writing, take it. It's okay. You will most likely be able to focus better and write more. Don't worry about how many words you'll have to catch up on when you get back. You'll be able to pull yourself together and sit down at your computer, all the while firmly thinking, "Today, I will accomplish something great."


So I settled for my YWP goal as my winning ticket. The relief I felt was glorious—I no longer had this cloud of despair looming over my head. But if I had thought that my writing obstacles for the month were over, I was dead wrong. I honestly should have seen it coming because it is my biggest issue; it hits me literally every time I try to write anything.

I got a new story idea. Dun dun dun.

*facepalm and internal screaming*

Fighting the urge to snatch this new shiny object was—is—misery in itself. I started daydreaming about the new idea, but I had to stop and force myself to focus on the story I had already started. But compared to this new idea, Shadowskin just seemed boring. So what was I going to do? I decided that the best thing at the moment was to take a day off to daydream all I wanted about this new idea, and then tuck it away in the back of my mind (and my iPad storage) for later. I had to reach my goal.

And so last night, at 11:47 p.m., I won NaNoWriMo. I had written thirty-thousand words. It wasn't the fifty-thousand I had dreamt of, but I still won.

Shadowskin isn't complete. I expect to add another 25K words this December before I finish it. But for now I am just happy that I was able to write the first half. It's always a challenge to do hard things, but most of them are worth it, and I really feel like I grew as a writer this November.

I also feel like I grew in my faith in God. I can't count how many prayers I said to ask God for strength to help me through this, but He answered every one of them. Against all odds, He helped me reach my goal. He gave me the strength to not let my laziness, self-doubt, or disappointment get in the way of my determination, and with His help I won.